I struggled with my mental health when I was in my teens and twenties and I self-harmed while I was at university. The solutions offered to me were Prozac and a trainee counsellor. No one told me the truth: that my self-harming was a coping strategy, a response of my nervous system to fears that were based on untrue thoughts and beliefs. It took me twenty years of self-discovery, along with some hard life lessons which saw me become a single parent in my thirties, to learn this and get back to myself.

Today, I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. I live by feeling and intuition rather than trying to control everything. I choose not to let fear make my decisions; instead, I listen to what it has to say and see it for what it is. I allow my emotions, rather than suppressing them, and most importantly I have learnt to accept myself – messy parts included.

This version of me wasn’t made overnight. First, I had to feel safe. I saw a therapist weekly for six years. This was incredibly supportive at the time and it also showed me the difference between what talking therapy and the other approaches I discovered later in my journey can acheive.

My major shift happened in 2016 when I discovered the educational curriculum of the Concord Institute of Integral Studies. This changed my entire perspective of the world and opened a door to amazing opportunities for growth.

I then worked with a coach who showed me that the life I was creating was the outcome of who I was being – and that I could change it. I also worked with an embodiment and breathwork coach and learnt boxing to experience how it felt to set and hold healthy boundaries - showing that this work doesn’t have to be to serious; it can be fun and experimental!

In 2022, I discovered Havening Techniques. Just a few sessions enabled me to reach places that traditional therapy hadn’t touched. I saw how specific events in my childhood were the roots of my fears and I worked to heal from them, one by one.

At the same time, I was hearing more and more about the rise in teenage self-harm. Now a parent of two teenagers, I felt an ethical responsibility to share what I had learned through my experience. I’d invested a lot and been supported by some amazing teachers. Who would it make me if I kept that to myself? This took courage; I realised I needed to heal my shame about self-harming before I could truly speak up about it. Many people carry this shame with them for life and I want to ensure that the young people who are dealing with it now don’t do that.

Healing is a very individual journey. My experience is both unique to me and common to all of us; we all have our story. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have the experience and compassion to help others on this path. Our capacity to grow depends on our willingness to face ourselves, and to do this we must feel safe. It’s the things we avoid the most that cause our pain: the fear we won’t face, the shame we won’t feel and the blind spots we don’t want to see. We need to acknowledge and reintegrate the parts of ourselves we’ve rejected to become whole again. My experience has shown that these parts can sometimes be the best of us. They are the things that make us human.